to the RED states from the BLUE states

This was in my inbox this morning.. talk about being clever and good writting...

To: The Red States

From: The Blue States

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're
taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that
includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin,
Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. It may even include Florida and
Ohio, they are seriously considering it. We've given them until Nov. 4th to
decide. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and
especially to the people of the new country. Since we're dropping the
middle states we're calling it United America, or simply the U.A.



To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get
stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You
get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent. We're keeping Bruce Springsteen and
Billy Joel. You get WorldCom. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Ole'
Miss. We get Harvard and 85 percent of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you
get to make the red states pay their fair share.



Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
moms, and the highest concentration of pregnant unwed teenagers. Please be
aware that the U.A. will be for a woman's right to choose and anti-war, and
we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq ASAP. If you need
people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently
willing to send to their deaths without just cause, and they don't care if
you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish
you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, really we do, but
we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. We'd rather
spend it on taking care of sick people, and educating our children.



With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of
the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and
lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's
quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech
industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias
and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech
and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with
88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs),
92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90
percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually
100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,
Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank
you.



Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in
9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy Redies believe you are people with higher
morals then we Bluies..



Peace,

Blue States